Au Revoir, Flora Vista

I will miss you, little house. With your doors that don't close or lock and let in all of the leaves and dust and outside elements. I will miss the frequent visits of skunks, the sinks that were always clogged, and the horrific sulfuric/raw egg smell that constantly eminated from the dishwasher. I will miss the rat traps in the laundry room that were found full on more than one occasion including - but not limited to - my birthday. I will miss the lightswitch to my bedroom being located conveniently outside of the bedroom on the living room wall. I will miss the six foot tall and perpetually crooked fence that kindly blocked all sunlight from reaching our incredible dirt and gravel front yard.

But more than all of that, I will miss the evenings in the hot tub with friends. The parts of the house that were in fact quite charming and cute. I'll miss the fireplace and curling up in front of it in the winter with a cup of tea to read or watch a movie. I'll miss the close proximity to Lazy Acres and Alcazar and Hendry's beach. I'll miss the incessant yet somehow charming ability of my roommate to never remember to take her tea out of the microwave and the every-thirty-second-reminder beep of the microwave that I always seemed to hear but was lost on her ears. The hours spent talking, laughing, crying, listening, and doing life with the amazing women that I was so blessed to call roommates for a year and a half; I will miss learning and growing there, with them, the most.

twenty five.

I really had a great birthday yesterday. Like, really great. The day started off with work, which could definitely be worse because a) I only had to work a half day, b) I like my job and the people I work with and c) the cool people at my office took up a "we-love-Maggie" birthday collection and presented me with a fatty Starbucks card. And I mean fatty. Like I will be good to go with coffee for months. I was so surprised and touched. Letters, phone calls, emails, facebook messages, and voicemails poured in throughout the day as the people who are important to me sent their greetings. I hate being the center of attention and really kind of dread that aspect of birthdays every year, but in the moment it does feel pretty great to talk to all of the people who love you in one day.

I like to spend a little bit of quality me time on my birthday each year, and this year was no exception. Only this year was quite a bit more exciting. I got a kayak for my birthday from my parents and I could not be more excited about it. It's pretty and yellow and I love it. I've been out on it in the ocean nearly every day this week, and an early afternoon jaunt on the kayak with John Legend on my iPod was the best way I could think of to ring in my first quarter of a century. Some of my friends made fun of me for bringing my iPod out there, but I never regretted it for a second. I unloaded that kayak from the top of my car all by myself like a champion and I took to sea for a couple hours (loading it back up was quite another story, but with a few tweaks to the rack and a little more practice I am confident I'll get better).

If you read this blog, you probably already know that I have some very sweet friends. Either you are one of them, or you've read about them enough to know that I think my friends are the coolest. Because it's true. The perfect ending to a wonderful birthday was to just sit around a big table at a great restaurant in town with the people I love - eating a delicious cheeseburger. These are the people who make me who I am, and having (almost all of) them out together, eating, celebrating, laughing was more than I could have wished for. They brought beautiful flowers (peonies, my favorite!), thoughtful gifts, hand written cards, and themselves (despite the fact that game 4 of the finals was on) and I was so touched. And just when I thought that I didn't need anything else to make the night complete, we headed to McConnells where I was treated to ice cream. We definitely go to McConnells quite a bit, but I'm pretty sure that nothing tastes better than really good mint chocolate chip ice cream with friends on your birthday.

So, it was a good day. And I'm officially a year older. Twenty five. And yes. I do feel older. I mean, not really, of course. The actual age difference is slight. But I feel good. I feel energized by having had such a beautiful day, and I feel quite a bit more comfortable in my own skin than I did when I turned twenty four. And I have big hopes and wishes for this year. Lucky for me, I blew that one candle on my slice of birthday pie out with the greatest of ease. So my wishes are going to come true. And I'm ready.

The art of being consistent

Consistency is not one of my strong suits. I mean, I could be worse. But really, for someone who wants to be a writer (in theory), has it really been two and a half weeks since I've shown my face on this here blog? Yes, yes; it's been "finals" for two weeks...but while I've been busy I've definitely not been too busy for a handful of things. I suppose I could share with you all that I actually am beginning to fancy myself a writer in some sense of the word. Even when I can't muster up the creative energy to sit in front of the computer, my brain is swirling with thoughts, with ideas, with reflections and questions that I am well aware belong on paper, since I process best that way. I daydream quite a bit about the lengthy, grueling, discouraging, and oh-so-tempting idea of one day writing a book. Many of you who are kind enough to read my blog have affirmed what used to be a secret, hidden away dream of mine by suggesting that you would read a book if I wrote it. This, I thank you for. One can never have enough kind words of encouragement tucked away when it comes to the thought of pursuing such a pipe dream.

More to the point for today, though, the BF has a way of thinking, learning, and doing life in a way that both challenges and encourages me in the best of ways. She too has recently been reflecting on commitment. I'm not the world's best committer. I, like Em, refuse to be told that I am non-committal because it just ain't true...but I'm pretty sure that there is plenty of room for growth in that arena. I feel that commitment and consistency are quite inter-related (if not synonymous), so while she is currently meditating on what commitment means in her life, for me, the buzz word swirling around up there is rather consistency. The concept is just different enough that the word choice matters to me, but encompasses a lot of similar stuff. If you remember, I was under the impression that I needed something like a dog a little while back to break me in to the idea of putting the needs of someone or something before my own at times. Due to circumstances beyond my control: a landlord who changed his mind, the honest-to-God dog-napping of Zeke (a tragic yet unbelievably real story!) I have no dog. I already killed my vegetable garden. The poor little guys never even had a chance. My gym membership? A joke. I trained for all of three days for a half marathon. Long-term romantic relationship? Oh, Lord... You get the idea. Help me.

I turn one quarter of a century old on Thursday. That, to me, feels like a bit of a landmark birthday. I know that people respond differently to such milestones. I've been anticipating this day for quite some time. Birthdays in general always seem quite anticlimactic to me as I generally feel no real change (aside from the actual, legal, landmarks of say 16 or 21); but something about crossing the line from 24 to 25 feels big. It feels significant. And I am proud to say it makes me unbelievably excited and hopeful. I was expecting dread. I was expecting loneliness, disappointment, maybe a bit of anxiety. But maybe my quarter-life crisis is going to continue to shape out be a crisis of the best kind. I feel like this birthday is kicking my ass in the good way. Like an army trainer at boot camp. My twenty-fifth year is staring me down, challenging me to be all that I can be. Causing me to take stock of the things that matter to me. The things I've stuck on the back burner, temporarily misplaced, tucked away for a rainy day. Priorities, interests, hobbies, personal values and ideals, goals, hopes, issues. Some of that future-oriented-anxiety is quite naturally still mixed in, but I'm okay with it for the moment. I feel good despite it's nagging presence.

So here's to 25. Cheers to consistency and to growth and to a birthday to look forward to!