Heavy Metal

I confess. When I see a good looking man I instinctively and almost immediately check his left hand for a ring. Even though I can't believe that I just admitted that fact to the interwebs, I do believe that I am not alone both in the fact that I do this, and in the belief that male engagement rings are not such a bad idea. The reasons I am making this incredibly embarrassing confession are twofold. One, I got caught yesterday (in line at the coffee shop at school). And two, while I'm embarrassed to admit that I check for metal, I think that my argument for male engagement rings is at least somewhat valid. There are a handful of reasons why I think male engagement rings would be helpful, most of which are selfish, but more selflessly (and still true) is the fact that I respect the sanctity of marriage. I don't want to be checking out or developing a crush on someone's husband or fiance. I'm not Scarlett Johansson in He's Just Not That Into You. If a man's taken, he's taken. No problem. She's a lucky lady. Moving on. But if I don't know that, and he hasn't mentioned her, I'm in a grey area that if given the option, I'd prefer to avoid.

Getting caught got me thinking about this whole awkward early adulthood phenomenon. For starters, I actually remember the moment that this shift took place. I'd always sort of wondered in the back of my mind when I would actually start being attracted to men who might be married, and it was my second year of college. There was a guy on stage at church sharing about a missions trip he'd taken. He was so attractive, great smile, good jeans, good story teller, needless to say I quickly developed a harmless crush on him. After the service I caught a glimpse of him holding hands with a happy girl with a big fat rock on her finger. Of course he's engaged, I thought to myself; Why wouldn't he be. I felt really bad that I'd been checking him out, but how was I to know?! So I became aware that this was a reality. The men I am attracted to are now old enough to be married. Duly noted.

Fast forward to now. A graduate student at Fuller Seminary. Almost everyone in that world is married. For real. The single students in a marriage and family therapy program are few and far between, male and female alike. So I've been conditioned to take a little glance at the left hand before getting too excited that there is a cute guy with a southern accent to die for in my class who happens to be funny too. More often than not, metal.

It's okay with me that most people around me are married. Yes, I would like very much to be married, but my time will come for that. In all honesty, these men that strike my eye could be wearing a big fat sign that said "NORMAL, SINGLE, & LOOKING" and I still wouldn't strike up a conversation with them or turn up the flirty charm. Metal or no metal, I'm shy in that area. But it's the principal. I'd like to know.

Let's be honest. For the sake of my argument, I did a little research and the options for men are hideous. I will not ask (or want) my husband-to-be to wear any of these things. They are weird and awful and I don't care enough about the issue to present my fiance with a ruby to declare to the world that he is spoken for, no thank you. I'm just saying. For those of us who are single and trying to figure out if we're really the only ones left (I know, I exaggerate.) we'll take all the help we can get. And for the love of God, cute-guy-in-the-coffee-shop, don't strike up a conversation with me with your left hand in your pocket. That's just mean.