It's Always Something

I'm realizing, as I settle into life as a young adult that when it comes to productivity and discipline there will almost always, at any given moment, be something that sounds better to me than what I am actually "supposed" to or hoping to be doing.  Whether it's homework, exercising, filing at work, praying, trusting in God's better plan, waking up early, saving money, grocery shopping, allowing space for some closure, being bold, going for what I really want, writing, getting an oil change...I'm really best at finding something else to do first.  On some days, this is just me, being a "P" (my Myers Briggs personality profile) and proving that I'd rather put someone else's needs before mine and that I do my finest work in the eleventh hour.  A lot of the time though, I am in fact procrastinating; sometimes out of boredom I suppose, but most of the time I procrastinate from a place that is rooted more in fear and avoidance.

I have a tendency toward setting lofty, big picture goals for myself-what I will achieve or the kind of person I hope to be.  I am good at dreaming and hoping and waiting, but less than great at making the small day-to-day choices required for actually getting there. 

I subscribe to a really wonderful daily email that offers a reflection from Henri Nouwen each morning (which you, too, can do here).  Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the lenten season.  I kind of love lent because done right it is so dang challenging but oh so sweet and worth it.  It is about discipline and waiting.  In lent we practice drawing near to Him, waiting patiently, seeking peace, and living intentionally and in anticipation of Easter.  I love the simplicity of this prayer and the honest humility of these words.  I so often find myself divided, and neglecting for a myriad of reasons to make the choices-big or small-that lead to a life lived on the narrow road of faith and courage.  I am choosing to live intentionally this season which, essentially, means choosing to make choices.  Choices in my words, my thoughts, my actions, my time, my perspective.  First choice, to join with wise ol' Henri in making this my prayer for the lenten season too.

A Lenten Prayer
An excerpt from The Road to Daybreak, Henri J. M. Nouwen

The Lenten season begins. It is a time to be with you, Lord, in a special way, a time to pray, to fast, and thus to follow you on your way to Jerusalem, to Golgotha, and to the final victory over death.


I am still so divided. I truly want to follow you, but I also want to follow my own desires and lend an ear to the voices that speak about prestige, success, pleasure, power, and influence. Help me to become deaf to these voices and more attentive to your voice, which calls me to choose the narrow road to life.

I know that Lent is going to be a very hard time for me. The choice for your way has to be made every moment of my life. I have to choose thoughts that are your thoughts, words that are your words, and actions that are your actions. There are not times or places without choices. And I know how deeply I resist choosing you.


Please, Lord, be with me at every moment and in every place. Give me the strength and the courage to live this season faithfully, so that, when Easter comes, I will be able to taste with joy the new life that you have prepared for me.


Amen.