"As we growolder
and realize
more clearly
the limits of
human happiness,
we come to see
that the only
real and
abiding
pleasure
in life
is to give
pleasure
to
other
people."
people."
-P.G. Wodehouse
I had lunch with a friend yesterday and we spent a solid couple of hours talking about relationships; our failures and shortcomings, insecurities, laziness and lack of effort, hopes, dreams and my frustration with my general inability to be the person I'd hoped to be when it comes to loving well. We vented, questioned, and extended challenges. We listened to one another, defended ourselves, and theorized about the greater cultural and societal influences and pressures that have made us the way we are.
At one point he just paused to gather his thoughts for a moment and then said "I mean, I hope that grad school is the most selfish time of our lives." I sincerely hope not. I mean, I completely understand his point. I have never before been required to think so much about me in my life. But as a person bent toward selfishness anyway, I hope that the most selfish time of my life is behind me. I hope that I will be able to not just do well in these classes as far as grades and career recommendations are concerned. I hope and pray that I'll absorb this stuff. I hope that I take to action this practice and these theories of good and healthy problem solving, communicating, risk taking, healing, listening, forgiving, loving and loving well.
Mostly his comment struck me because, presently, my life is all about me; and I'm actually scared of what would happen if I were to really truly completely open up to the idea of sharing it with someone, anyone, else. But, worse, it scares me more not to.
I've opened up the big fat pandora's box of thinking about the level of self-involvement currently seeping into every area of my life. Which begs the inevitable: "So, what are you going to do about it?"
I have no freaking clue. I'll have to get back to you. But I promise I'm thinking about it.
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